You Make Me Feel Like a Natural Woman!
by SinSisters
Summary: A must read tale of love, deception, and sex! (Not really but that's okay) Well, this was originally a fic I wrote for my friend, Terry, who moved to California so he's in it. Sora Bashing and a progressing relationship between Taichi and . . . everyone


Taichi: Wow, I haven't written anything for a while now. It's good to be back. Even though I hate this web site =_-;; At any rate all the people in this fic with American names are real people and I just didn't want to waste my time covering up their names when I really don't like them to begin with. Well, except for Terry, he's the shit, the shit that is driving cross-country as I type. Anyways, enjoy! ^^  
  
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ChApTeR OnE: Babies and Spaghettios  
  
It's raining. again. Drizzling actually. I hate school vacations; they're long and they give you time to sit and think about stuff you'd rather not. Like graduation, or some of that worst-case scenario crap concerning your special outing that evening. So here I sit, out on the balcony of my apartment eating spaghettios straight out of the can as my little clone lights another "smoldering stick of cancer", as he likes to call it.  
  
When Daisuke first started smoking, I found it kind of amusing how everybody reacted to the situation. Iori wasn't speaking to him, surprisingly Ken didn't really care, Miyako didn't really know what to make of it so she shrugged it off, Hikari-chan was crying, but know her favorite line to use on him is, "can you smoke it?" And last but not least, Takeru hasn't said much about it. I figure that with an older brother and a father that smoke it's gotta be like second nature to him. As for us older kids, Sora pulled a goody-goody, Koushie could care less, so could Jyou, he's just glad that it isn't something like crack or the "Wacky Tobaccy", 'cause apparently 'it's a bitch to get off of', which by the way was extremely out of character for him to say. Yamato smokes so. yeah. And I think it went straight up and over Mimi's head because she hasn't said a word about it. As for me, I don't mind one way or the other. Daisuke can make his own decisions; he is a big boy now at fifteen! I don't smoke because it has a yucky after taste. But hey, at least I tried something new! It's sort of like what your parents used to say when you were little about eating your spinach even though you've made it painfully clear that you DO NOT like spinach. Though I don't think this is exactly what they had in mind ^^*.  
  
This may be a really random thought but.Yamato thinks I have an eating disorder. And it's only because I was taking advantage of the popular phrase among kindergarteners, "how much would you pay me to eat that?" Well, to make a long story short, I ended up making ten dollars and forty- six cents, but in return I hugged the bowl for an hour. I don't think I've ever run so fast in my entire life. Anyways as I was saying before, screw him and his Sora dating ways!!! Damn me for not paying more attention this summer and realizing that he liked me!!! I mean he gave up on me to go with Sora. Am I really that ugly? Damn me for not making a move!!!!! WWWHHHHYYY? Why am I so frigging retarded!?  
  
You see Yamato is what we like to call a "closet-het". He's. confused, so to speak, about his feelings. *shudder* God I hate that word, feelings. Does it sound gooey to you too? Kind of like the mud flats at the beach that'll make ya sink up to your knees with the first step. Anyways, if it isn't obvious to you, I want Yama like mad crazy! Not only is he a slice of beefcake, Rambo, thought provoking (heh, heh, heh), and all of the above, but he is smart and he can hold his own in an intellectual conversation. He can cook, and he can sing, which means he can serenade me! ^^ *Le sigh, le really big sigh.* Yeah, always the helpless romantic.  
  
On a lighter note, I got my pictures back from an anime convention that Daisuke, Koushie, and I went to last weekend! ^^ Koushiro cosplayed Taiitsu from Houshin Engi and I cosplayed Zero Enna from Candidate for Goddess! Daisuke was supposed to cosplay with us but he didn't get his done in time. He's blaming it all on his anti-depressants. Unfortunately, I'm the suckiest photographer in the world and most of my pictures were of Koushiro and I making the flashes from our disposable cameras go off in each other's faces. on the other hand I have a picture with a really nice view up my left nostril! And doubles were free so it wasn't a total loss. On the other hand I met a guy at the con. all of you shut up! I can hear it now: "ooooooooo, a guuuyyyyyyyyy?! And what did this guy look like? Was he cuuuuutttteeeee?" And to answer your question, no. No, he was _NOT_ beefcake of any kind. He looked like the guy who delivers the mail on "Just Shoot Me," or Gary from that claymation road trip show called "Gary and Mike". Well, according to Daisuke anyways. Not to be rude, but that's sort of what I was thinking when he started to talk to me. His name is Ben. I hope I never see him again. Heh, that rhymes.sort of.  
  
We're all supposed to go to Pizza Hut tonight as a celebration because Yamato-chan and his band have released their fist record and stuff. Record. does that make me sound old? At any rate, I don't really fancy the idea of being in a small room that has no emergency exit with Sora. Much less eating with her! I can't trust her! What if she tries to slip something into my personal pan pizza, or. OH MY CREEPY CRAWLERS!!! What if she spikes Yama's food instead? And she knows I like him. That bitch, she would rub it in my face too. It's gunna be a long night.  
  
Oh yes, and while we are on the topic of planning Sora's demise. Jun and I have decided to join forces temporarily just until Sora is out of the picture. As of right now, we aren't sure whether to poison her, or just screw with her car so that it will stall smack dab in the middle of the busy streets of Odaiba. Of course, we'll make sure not to leave any incriminating evidence and manage to make it look like an "unfortunate accident" of sorts and act none the wiser. However, this plan has one major flaw: neither of us can keep our mouths shut.  
  
Maybe I'll bring one of my other friends just to make Yama jealous. Terry is a brooding crass he-bitch, he'd be glad to help me get back at little red-headed. GGRRR! Besides, Mimi did have the hots for him and all.  
  
Okay well to bring you up to speed, Yamato actually introduced me to Terry first, but he was in my science class and all that crap to begin with. I just never really thought he was worth talking to until I got to know him. Now we're good friends! ^^ Anyways, Terry is straight. Yeah, yeah I know, but here's the catch: straight guys are kind of like lesbians in a way. They even have the dicks that lesbians wish that they had! Well, attached to them that is, or at least that's my philosophy ^^*.  
  
"So. how 'bout them Dolphins?" I asked randomly, trying to free us of the numbing silence.  
  
"Fuckin' A," He responded playfully, a brief puff of smoke escaping his nostrils and mouth as he scoffed at my lame joke, snubbing out the butt of his light.  
  
" Fuckin' A," I laughed, scraping at the bottom of my spaghettio-less aluminum can.  
  
Daisuke then turned to walk back inside, stuffing his smokes and lighter back into the depths of his pockets. His hips swayed slightly with each step, knee length khaki shorts clinging to his figure, then relaxing. Wow, he is damn sexy! I can't believe I never noticed this before! Maybe it's just one of those unspoken role model laws. "Thou shall not molest the wanna be no matter how luscious and impressionable they may be." Ya know, that sort of thing?  
  
2:57. Three and a half hours till I have to hall Daisuke, Terry, Koushirou, my asses over to Pizza Hut for a "fun" night of polite jokes and club sodas! Joy! ^^*  
  
~`~`~ ~`~`~ (plot hole)  
  
We turn the left into Terry's drive way and I honk the horn. Daisuke and Koushiro are in the back seat snuggling and kissing every so often. There is this really fucked up sort of love triangle going on between Daisuke, Koushiro, and Ken. Ken loves Daisuke and Daisuke loves Ken. But Daisuke and Koushiro are also in love and going out so. yeah. Daisuke is screwed. I hate them. It isn't fair!! They piss me off! I want to snuggle and kiss too. just not with them per say.  
  
I crave sex! Me want somebody's honeycomb!!! It's like some horrible addiction. well not really so horrible. I've heard that they have therapy for that, like sexaholics anonymous or something. Wow that would be odd. "Hi, my name is Taichi and I'm a sexaholic. I also enjoy a good gay porn and masturbate constantly." "Hiiiiiiiii Taichi!" Yup. That's exactly how it would go ^^*.  
  
"Hey, what's up? How's it going?" Terry chirped, climbing into the car next to me and shutting the door.  
  
"Hi, Terry!" Chorused the couple from the back seat.  
  
"Hey." We greeted one another simultaneously. Heh, Terry is wearing his gay man jacket! ^^ Yay. He has this jacket, okay? Well it's this thinly lined black leather jacket that greatly resembles a pea coat. Oh and it zips up the front ^^*.  
  
Pulling out of the driveway, I punch sixty-five down the road. Okay, here's the deal: fuck seatbelts. I know that it's a little vague, but the way I see it, even if a strip of nylon does per chance save your life the air bag is going to put out an eye or two anyways.  
  
Most of the way there it was an extremely quiet ride, with the exception of Mr. and Mr. HornyMcWackwack making slurping and kissing noises in the back seat. I have to admit that once or twice I screamed and flicked on and off the radio in vain hopes of ridding us of the strange sexquisite atmosphere. Well, that is to say until Terry decided to vent about his recent break up with popular, skanky hooooooooooo: Tiffany Cole!  
  
Tiffany is a tall, lanky girl with long brown hair and a passion for fashion. She and Terry had dated for three weeks, then he dumped her and dated another skank for about one workweek. Terry was single for the remainder of the month, and Bob's your uncle Terry and Tiffany are back together then broken up again in the span of a week or so. Right now he is in the denial stage of the healing process.  
  
" Oh my god, I can't believe she broke up with me! Nobody breaks up with Terry Rice! What a dirty cunt!" He raged.  
  
" *Agitated sigh* We know Terry." Koushiro and I replied in unison.  
  
" What a bitch!" Daisuke added for the effect. Daisuke also had a history with the Coles. Daisuke had dated Tiffany's older brother Kevin for about a month.  
  
" Yeah really!" Terry vented, yanking a pack or cigarettes out of his gay jacket pocket and pushing in the car lighter under the dash.  
  
Tapping Terry's shoulder, Daisuke cleared his throat holding out his hot little hand expectantly. "Ehem."  
  
" Donkey whaaaaaaat!?" Terry giggled, handing Daisuke a lit cigarette.  
  
" Thank you very much-o mister robot-o!"  
  
" Hot damn!" Terry exclaimed, now sifting through my stack of CD's and popping Chicago into the player. Does he ever sit still? God!  
  
Oh, and another unspoken law in my car: if we have Chicago with us we always play it, and play it LOUD. So we're now entering the Pizza Hut vicinity cranking the volume and shrieking the lyrics to "When You're Good to Mama" like it's nobody's business.  
  
I can see Yamato's dad's mini van and Jyou's moped already in the parking lot as I pull in and park in a 'cap' space without giving it a second thought.  
  
The restaurant was less crowded then I thought it was going to be. An elderly pair with their two grandkids, one middle-aged couple, and a few random loners here and there. Though I must admit, Pizza Hut definitely has a unique smell to it. Babies and spaghettios.  
  
" Hey guys," I whispered, leaning towards the three of whom were looking around for everyone else. "This place smells like babies and spaghettios!" Daisuke and Koushie burst into fits of giggles while Terry turned around, raising an eyebrow at me.  
  
"How do you figure?" He smiled.  
  
"Well, you know how babies have that sour spit-up smell to them? Um if you think about it-" I started to explain but then was cut off by Waipã, Yamato's drummer, greeting us while walking out of the public men's room to our right.  
  
Waipã brought us over to where everybody was hiding and I introduced Terry to those who didn't know him. I think that Yama-chan's keyboardist, Lee, is smitten with him 'cause he keeps "innocently" touching him and trying to make small talk. It's freaking Terry out. He keeps nudging me with his elbow. ^^  
  
The seating arrangement is as follows: there are two booths across from each other with one smaller table in the middle. Yamato, Sora, and Lee are one side; Terry, Waipã and I are on the other. In the booth across from us, Koushi, Daisuke and Ken sit on one side, while Miyako, Jyou and Iori sit on the other. Hikari and Takeru sit at the small table with Mimi, and Toji, Yamato's other band mate, of whom I'm proud to say I've tasted the forbidden fruits!^^ God, getting him to sack me was like a fucking dating sim! @_ "I'm 'happy Yamato and Sora! Weeeee! I love you, you love me, and we're a 'happy' family. With a great big hug, and a kiss from me to you. Won't you say you love me too?" *shudder* Look at them, holding hands and making small talk as they make their dining selection. Feh! Like Yamato is going to actually eat anything! He must maintain his figure! Tsk, tsk. All he needs is some cigarettes and spring water he'll be fine.  
  
" Earth to Taichi," Waipã whispered hotly in my ear, as he leaned closer into me and rubbed the palm of his hand over my upper thigh. I jump at his touch and shivered, goose bumps appearing on my arms and legs.  
  
" Sorry," I laughed, turning my body to face him. He held his hands up like a scale with two different types of artificial sweetener on them.  
  
" Which do you think is heavier?" Taking them from him I copied his technique and grinned.  
  
"Definitely.this one," I smiled holding the brown package out to him.  
  
" What can I get for you folks this evening?" I cheerful man with shiny, chubby cheeks (the ones on his face!) greeted us, his pen and pad drawn and ready. Terry and I grinned at each other wickedly and yanked out five ones each, piling them in the center of the table. Everybody was quiet and looked at Terry and I like we were fucking on the table.  
  
" This is your potential tip," Terry began, and waved his hand over the stack in a Vanna White fashion.  
  
" Every time you do something bad, we take one away," I added.  
  
" Every time you do something good, we add one to the pile," Terry finished, glancing down at the stack of bills then back up at the festively plump man.  
  
" Okay. so would you people like something to drink to start you off?" The man asked cautiously as he eyed his potential prize.  
  
" We'd like a Mountain Dew and an ice water please." Sora spoke up smiling shyly. I want to puke. Sweet as a fucking pie! Personally, I think she enjoys the amount of power that she has acquired by being able to refer to Yamato and herself as the royal "we". Despite how undeserving she may be. @_;;  
  
" Tai, what would you like?" Terry asked, dumping me off of my train of thought.  
  
" Oh, um." I leaned over the table and stared at the waiter's nametag. Ed. "Well Ed, do you have chocolate milk?" I asked innocently, my voice just loud enough so that Daisuke could hear, and was answered by a muffled snort from the table over.  
  
" I believe so. I'll give you people a few minutes to decide on your meal and I'll get right on those drinks. Be back in a jiffy!" Jiffy? Jiffy, jiffy, jiffy. who says jiffy any more?  
  
" Thanks, Ed man! You're the best!" I yelled after him. I don't think he heard me though, because he was already over at Daisuke's table taking down their orders.  
  
Now, some of you most me scratching your heads in confusion about the whole chocolate milk thing, so I'll fill you in and save you some wrinkles! -^^-  
  
Basically it's an inside joke. Daisuke had decided to accompany Hikari and I on a family trip. (I know, the horror, the horror! *Shudder*.) So we had decided to go to this seafood restraunt and get a bite to eat. I had ordered chocolate milk and our waitress said that they were all out of the necessary supplies to make chocolate milk. I thought that was a tad odd, but I kept it to myself. Well that is until this party of seven came in and were seated three tables away. Our waitress had long since disappeared to give our orders to the chief and was now taking these people's orders. Here's what takes the cake, there were three kids in that group of seven and the waitress gave them chocolate milk! @_:: So I had a little chat with the waitress and I got my chocolate milk. Yay, I love a happy ending!! -^_^-  
  
Within five minutes just about everybody was happily slurping away on the drink of their choice and appetizers if they so wished.  
  
"Here you are, one chocolate milk!" Our waiter smiled, quickly checking out his pootie (pirate treasure.) and handing me a crudely drawn cartoon clad kiddy portion cup with a plastic cover and flexi-straw poking out of the top. So this is a chocolate milk, huh? Ummm, what's wrong with this picture? It's like this tiny 16 OZ thingy. This scene needs some editing!  
  
Sliding my hand over the table, I snatched a dollar off of the top, immediately pocketing it.  
  
"Dammit Miyako, if you steal anymore of my cinna-sticks while my back is turned, I'm gunna shit-stomp you!" I'm pretty sure the whole restaurant heard Daisuke shriek.  
  
" But they're so good! Besides, there are plenty. You can at least share!" The purple haired girl whined, her mouth full of cinna-sticky goodness and icing. During this disagreement of the fag and his hag, we can more then likely be safe in our assumptions that Koushie and Ken are rough drafting graphic disemboweling pamphlets of the others step by step death. With Iori's help of course, while Jyou sits by idly studying the menu.  
  
What followed of the dinner portion of Yamato's big CD release bash was boring and low key. Except for the fact that I drank six and a half of those 16 OZ chocolate milks and the waiter apologized to me from out of the blue as I was walking out the door, because he thought I was a woman the whole time I was there! Which in turn earned a few cheap laughs from our group. Needless to say, our waiter earned four dollars out of ten that evening. Bad form Peter!  
  
After that, Terry and I scored a couple free copies of Yamato's record. Yes, by the way I did say record at one point during the night and Lee said it did make me sound old! But this was way after we left Pizza Hut and everybody had nearly vanished. Jyou, Iori, Miyako, Mimi, and Ken had called it a night, and the rest of us went down to the recording studio and sampled a few tracks.  
  
It was kind of funny though, because during one of the songs Yamato started freaking out because he'd hit a sour note during recording without realizing it and said it quote "sounds like I'm being castrated!!" Which it did, I'm not going to lie, but at that moment I remember leaning over to Terry and stating 'what I wouldn't give to be in ancient Rome'. That isn't the best part though. Sora had been wearing a sweater and when she took it off she was wearing an "I'm with the band" t-shirt. Yeah, I wanted to kill her too. It was kind of one of those things that your mother might do, ya know what I mean? And Yamato told her to cover her shirt because it quote "is embarrassing and tacky". He and Sora didn't say a word to each other for the rest of the night. Isn't that great!?-^_^- 


End file.
